I'll See You Through
by GailTheFish
Summary: A post-episode response to Drought Conditions (spoilers for the episode). Slightly angsty?


**I just rewatched Drought Conditions and I needed to write something. I hope you do enjoy it! :)**

**And the title comes from I Won't Give Up by Jana Kramer, because I suck at titles and rely on songs when I can't think of anything.**

The DNC ball was quieting down, CJ making her last appearances around various groups. The conversation with Toby had rocked her to her core, even with the incessant flow of the evening she was reeling from the cutting emotion.

He'd shut her out when David died, allowing her support to run strictly through work hours. She knew he wasn't handling it well, the work mounting up and the dull of his eyes an instant giveaway, but she knew even more that when Toby locked away his feelings as tightly as he was prone to do, the fallout could be explosive. She had never expected him to brawl with Josh, not ever, and only now could she fully comprehend the extent of his bitter disappointment in the brothers who one by one had turned their back on him: Sam, Will, Josh and now David.

CJ never ceased to worry about him, but the outpour of emotions they suffered in his office were turbulent and sheer evidence of the strength they needed in one another. He needed her, his rock as ever, to stand by and to talk to, slowly enduring his wounds and not leave him the way others had done so. She needed him to remain strong and carry on through this – not in keeping up appearances and locking himself away but in opening himself up no matter what it took, be it breaking down and feeling emotion that needed to be felt or simply talking with her.

The night was somewhat a refreshing ease, the soft lull of the lights glowing and the ease of the music echoing around the room. Conversations streamed and the brief encounter with Toby remained the one playing on her mind. The playful offer CJ proposed served as more than a need for comfort in ways so familiar to them by now, but as a result of the growing want that remained incessant over time regardless of their situation. It was spurred on by the way her heart thumped in her chest when his eyes lit up for the first time in too long as he replied with the surprise in his voice.

"Hey." Toby approached her from the side as the latest group dispersed from CJ's conversation.

"I thought you were in the bar?" she asked, meeting his eyes.

"I figured I'd come back. You didn't yell." he said sombrely.

"Oh, Toby." she chuckled ever so. "I need to check on the President before I can get out. Wait for me in your office." she touched his arm affectionately before seeking out the President.

He waited in his office, observing the scene of his fallout with Josh. The cut on his cheek stinging harshly, a fresh reminder of what he'd lost and subsequently thrown away again. He rubbed his beard, anxious and eager for CJ to rescue him from here. To rescue him from his thoughts and himself.

Barely minutes later, the door opened and she gently let herself in. "Get me drunk, Ziegler." she whispered and he followed her out to the car park.

"Your place or mine?" she questioned once they were sat in his car.

"Mine." he confirmed.

He needed comfort in a stagnant place, one that didn't release too many memories of the varying sort. CJ's apartment would do that, their past overflowing into his brain, and the thought of being vulnerable somewhere else other than his own home was frightening. He wanted CJ and the alcohol to diffuse his thoughts, nothing else.

They drove in silence along the dark streets, street lamps illuminating like the strung fairy lights of the night's ball. The luminance radiated off her face as it had done so earlier and Toby struggled to concentrate on the road with her beside him. She was a beacon, stunning and flashing, and the greater metaphor of her sitting in his car this way tugged at his heart. The light of her glimmered into his darkness and never left his side; a perhaps constricted cliché of her presence.

Pulling up to his apartment, she placed a hand on his knee.

"Now we have enough scotch in here don't we?" a ghost of a smirk forming.

He wearily nodded and got out, guiding them from his car to the apartment.

"I'll get the glasses." Toby mumbled as they entered, shuffling to the kitchen as CJ headed for the scotch supply.

Eventually they collapsed onto the couch, glasses full of scotch and eyes full of pain.

Toby drank silently and she felt his stiff figure rigid against the couch. The presence was disconcerting for CJ – he was apathetic and stripped of his fire. Resisting the urge to drape an arm around his waist in comfort, she opted to shift her body closer. Arms resting, knees grazing, heat emitting between them.

They continued to drink but CJ was tired of the stillness. "Toby?" she murmured.

He barely stirred, but suddenly rested his head on her shoulder in an uncharacteristic motion. In that moment, she decided to bring him closer. She felt an odd tear spill onto her arm.

"I'm sorry." He gasped, barely audible.

"Don't you dare apologise to me." CJ responded through gritted teeth and leaned to place her empty drink on the table, his head falling back to the sofa.

Sitting up, he pulled her back by her arm and swiftly pressed his mouth to hers. She melted into Toby's touch and immersed herself with the soft feel of his lips, the hot of his tongue that darted into her mouth and drank up her taste. After a few minutes of their mouths exploring and hands roaming, he moved to find her zipper on her dress, fingers angled on her back as he began pulling it down.

CJ suddenly pulled away, swatting him off and his expression was cold as if she'd slapped him across the face.

"Not now. Talk to me, Toby." She stated sadly.

Toby sat wringing his hands. "I can't." His voice was breaking and CJ felt herself struggling to hold it together at the shell of the man before her.

"Please," she whispered.

"CJ, there's nothing to talk about!" he attempted to yell, but his sobs overcame his body. The anguish was too much to bear and CJ brought him back to her side, resting his head on her shoulder as he broke down into tears. His body shook beside her and she rubbed his arm lovingly.

He continued to sob gently into her. Raw emotion spilling out as she wrapped him in her arms, kissing the top of his head.

"Toby..." she soothed him with her soft tone.

A hand finding his and intertwining their fingers, tightly holding on, a soft squeeze of comfort.

"I love you, CJ." he tilted his head to face her, eyes glistening with tears both shed and unshed.

"I know, Tobus. I love you too." she leant in to kiss him delicately, hands still intertwined.

She unfolded them and wiped away his tears that threatened to keep falling. He choked out the quietest chuckle and did the same to her, an awkward thumb finding her cheek and grazing the smooth skin.

"You look beautiful tonight." he whispered, no longer meeting her eyes.

"Thanks." she muttered under her breath and reached for their glasses of scotch off his coffee table.

"It was me. I told Ricki Rafferty to include the healthcare stuff." he confessed.

"Oh, Toby." she sighed. Work was not something she'd envisaged becoming their topic for the night.

"I'm sleeping with her, seeing her." Toby rambled, and CJ turned to face him in surprise.

"You are?"

"Were. I was." he quickly corrected himself. "I broke it off."

"How come you didn't tell me in the first place?!" he merely shrugged.

"Why did you break it off?" she wondered.

"She wasn't you."

"Toby, we haven't been together in god knows how long and…" he cut her off.

"When did love stop being enough?!" he demanded, clearly exhausted.

"When is it ever?" she went to take a drink.

"Love shouldn't suffer to circumstance." He muttered

"It's not like before. I've got more responsibility now, and the President's getting worse every day…" the exhaustion in her own voice was evident. "It wouldn't work-" she continued but he interrupted her by tipping his finger beneath her chin, willing her to meet his eyes.

"Tell me why." CJ could smell the alcohol lingering on his breath.

"I've just told you!" she exclaimed.

"You think I give a crap about that?" Toby's voice adopted a bitter tone. "Every little thing is precious and I'm fucking sick of conforming to something that is destroying us. I love the President and our work but nothing is happening, we're deadlocked and practically Lame Duck already. We're losing our credibility in the face of the election and I don't know if we can survive that taking over us for much longer!" he stood as he spoke, CJ gazing up at him with her chin resting in one hand.

"Do not think of walking out on this, Toby." She scolded and his face fell.

"Don't you ever dare accuse me of walking out on something, CJ!" He spat back and she shivered at the malice in his voice.

She stood up and met his gaze, emotions strung high and the adrenaline pumping through her veins. "That's not what I'm fucking doing, Toby. It's just too complicated for us now."

Toby saw the fire in her eyes and greedily cupped her face to kiss her deeply, eliciting moans that he swallowed instantly. "Stay." he breathed out.

"Oh Tobus." She murmured against his lips and took him into her arms, holding on tightly. "Let's go to bed?"

He nodded willingly and walked her to the bedroom.

They undressed slowly between kisses, taking in each other and allowing their clothes to fall to the floor in pools around them. He pushed her onto the bed, covering his body with hers and scattering kisses across her flushed chest. CJ saw the tears shine in his eyes that slowly fell onto her skin, and leaned up to kiss them away from his cheek.

"Shhh, I'm here." she consoled and pulled their bodies closer.

He carefully entered her and they succombed to one another, gasps filling the dark bedroom.

Their bodies entwined, moving in sync, achingly beautiful as they explored each other. It was slow and tender until CJ began passionately kissing him again, parting his lips and devouring him; a leg wrapped around his back, daringly close to his shoulder, and she quickened their pace. Thrusts were harder and groans became screams, names shuddering off each other's lips.

They collapsed into each other after soaring over the edge, panting breathlessly and sweat glistening.

"I really do love you." CJ mumbled as he rolled off her.

"I love you too." Toby replied into her shoulder but she turned and rested her arms on his chest, looking up into his eyes.

"And you'll always have me, no matter what." she told him, fingers dancing through dark chest hair.

"You know I've never told you how proud I am of you." he sighed, smiling for the first time in too long.

CJ's lips quirked into a smile in response. "You don't need to."

He watched her intently. "I should."

She settled back beside him, allowing him to wrap her in his arms. "I know anyway."

"Thank you for being here." he said, his breath hot in her ear.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"I didn't tell anyone else about David, the real reason." he told her, voice breaking and he began stroking her hair more so to soothe himself, her soft curls fumbling between his fingers.

"I didn't expect you to." she muttered back, turning in Toby's arms and kissing his collarbone.

She felt him groan and smiled at the pleasure she elicited from a simple touch.

"You're going to get through this. We'll get through this." CJ announced seriously, facing him and her own hands snaking their way around his middle.

"I know." He collected her in his arms, enjoying the warmth of her body against his and tenderly placing a kiss on her forehead. Moulding into one another, they knew they were settled right where they needed to be. Their mutual strength would pull Toby from the abyss and CJ knew deep in her heart that someday things would be easier, not just for the pain he was suffering right now but for them together as they were probably destined to be.


End file.
